OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
