Porn is love you can see.
I think my vagina is haunted
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
