Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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