Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
