he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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