Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
