there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Randomize
