as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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