It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
