Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
