i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
