and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
