Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
