I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
