At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize