I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
