He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex on a dog bed..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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