When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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