The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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