obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
