I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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