so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
