Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
