He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
