I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am available for nakedness
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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