the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
