I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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