Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
