you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
