My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
