I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
