How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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