recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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