You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
