My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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