Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
