all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
