He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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