I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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