I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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