his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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