Do you still have your period?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
