Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
