That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
