I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
