I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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