CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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