"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
