you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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