I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
