That's intense
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
