Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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