i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
