He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
