My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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