Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
