Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
