I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
