trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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