Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
