I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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