But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dick very happy bro
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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