I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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