I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
