i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to make out with him forever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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