Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the condom got lost in my hair
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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