We won't sleep together?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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