God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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