i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Boobs speak an international language.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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