I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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