Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
