I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
