I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Damn victory sex feels great
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize