Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
