where am i from again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
