You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
