smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize